During my exam period last year, I was under a lot of stress. My mother was in the throes of cancer, and I was on a mental burnout. BAM. Breakdown. Suddenly, I couldn’t leave the house without acting like the apocalypse was about the happen.
I got put on a course of meds, thank you doctor. And that was it from the NHS. I didn’t have a lot of time to devote to therapy, and quite frankly the thought of having to commute to spend an hour alone with a stranger was enough to send me back to bed in fear.
But the meds only did so much. I think moving out of the city helped a little – I’m pretty sure my anxiety was only worsened by the knowledge that there was a sexual assailant on the loose around my street, and the burglary that had happened only a few months before. It turns out that moving somewhere where you can leave your front door open without fear is very liberating.
Then I had to go to Germany. For two months. Alone.
I know what your thinking, “Okay, so you have panic attacks when you leave your house or even think about the idea of being on public transport. So you’re going to cancel your trip, right?”
Ummm, well… no. I went. I gritted my teeth, packed my meds, and I left the country in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Some people tell me I’m brave. The truth is I can’t even catch a large spider in a glass; I’m just intolerably stubborn (thanks Mother).
I realised that this shit wasn’t going to just pass on its own, I didn’t want to be on meds forever, and I seriously needed to get onto sorting out my problems. I also wanted to look at alternative cancer therapies, seeing as the Mother’s doctors had all gone “Well fuck that”.
I started looking at lifestyle blogs, general blogs, health websites, apps, youtube videos and TED talks, reddit… I did some pretty extensive research, from yoga to paleo. Of course there’s a big problem with this kind of research. Most of it’s anecdotal, or word of mouth. And as true as (some of) those life accounts may be, alternative therapies won’t work for everyone, and they lack the rigour of scientific testing.
So I wanted to start a new lifestyle blog, where I reference my sources like any good uni student, and highlight what is and isn’t anecdotal. I want to highlight the science, and not come across as an uneducated hippy (disclaimer: I may still come across as a kale-eating middle class fake hippy, and I hate myself for that a little bit).
Also, I want to give my poor boyfriend a break from my continuous lifestyle spamming.
So far, just my life. Sorry to disappoint.